Looking Back
by Diane Klepper
Summary: Tom looks back throughout his life as Voyager celebrates its first anniversary in the Delta Quadrant. Part nine of Voyager: The First Year series.


Looking Back

By Diane Klepper (Author's Note: After celebrating their first anniversary in the Delta Quadrant, Tom thinks about his life. Part 9 of the "Voyager: The First Year" series. If you missed any part this is the order: "The First Day", "Flying Again", 'Medical Training", "My Klingon Friend", Vulcan Logic", "Alien Friends", "Holodeck Time", and "Happy Anniversary, Captain." This is the last part. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Hope you enjoyed the series.)

The mess hall was starting to empty out. Tom Paris who was sitting on the couch with Harry Kim and B'Elanna Torres. Harry and B'Elanna were discussing some engineering problem. Tom loved hanging out with Harry and B'Elanna he sometimes felt like a third wheel when they starting talking about engineering problems. Even though Harry was his best friend-his only real friend seen his lost Charlie at Caldik Prime-there were times he wished Harry would disappear so he could spend some alone time with B'Elanna. 

Tom turned to see Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay walking towards them. Seeing them first Tom stood up quickly followed by Harry and B'Elanna.

Janeway smiled at them and said, "Please sit down┘we're not on duty. I just came to say goodnight."

Tom, Harry and B'Elanna sat down. Janeway turned to face. "Tom┘Mr. Neelix said you helped him plan the party?"

"Yes Ma'am┘I also suggested that since it was our first anniversary in the Delta Quadrant he should lay off the Leola root."

Janeway smiled, "I thought his food tasted a little better today┘.nice job Mr. Paris."

Tom smirked, "Thank you Captain."

Chakotay smiled and said, "Mr. Paris┘.There has been a change in your duty shift tomorrow┘The Doctor asked for your help tomorrow morning in sickbay┘.The E.M.H. is starting the crew bi-annual physicals tomorrow."

Tom frowned. "Commander┘I thought Kes was going to take over my sickbay shifts."

"Kes is being trained to help out in sickbay┘but you are still our back up medic and since we are in a quiet part of space I agreed to let the Doctor have you for morning shifts this week."

Frowning Tom turned to the Captain and said. "Captain?"

Janeway smiled, "Don't look at me Mr. Paris┘Chakotay is in charge of the duty roster┘.besides you still be at the helm in the afternoon."

Knowing when to admit defeat Tom said, "Yes, Ma'am"  
Janeway smiled again. "Goodnight." She headed out the door.

Chakotay smiled and said, "Goodnight B'Elanna, Harry┘Mr. Paris," and he followed Janeway out the door."

Tom watched his superior officers leave and frowned. "Great┘I'm stuck with Doc for the morning shift all week."

Harry laughed, "Come on Tom. It's not that bad┘The Doctor's bedside manner is improving."

"Yeah┘that is because he uses all his insults on me."

B'Elanna laughed, "Then I guess you better stop breaking the equipment."

"Come on┘I broke one medical tricorder and that was three months ago. The Doc made me pay for it out of my replicator rations. I had to eat Neelix's cooking for six weeks."

Harry laughed. "If I remember correctly I think that was the same time Neelix was serving Leola root surprise every other day."

Tom made a face that reminded B'Elanna of a little kid being forced to take their medicine. "It was┘I barely survived."

Both Harry and B'Elanna laughed. Harry then stood up, "I have to get to bed┘I want to do a diagnostic before my shift tomorrow┘I'll see you guys for lunch tomorrow."

Tom smiled. "Sure Harry┘I'll see you for lunch."

B'Elanna smiled, "I see you to as long as there is no in emergencies in Engineering."

Harry walked out the door and then B'Elanna stood up. "I have to get to bed too┘I'll see you tomorrow."

Tom stood up. "Wait I'll walk you to your quarters."

B'Elanna stared at him suspiciously and said, "Why?"

Tom smirked. "A gentleman always walks a lady home."

"You a gentleman┘since when?"

Tom smiled. "I have you know I was taught how to behave probably in all social situations┘.The Admiral insisted on that."

"That maybe true┘but I have been called many things but never a lady."

Tom smiled at her. "You always be a lady to me."

Not knowing what to say B'Elanna just smiled and said, "Okay."

Fifteen minutes later Tom entered his quarters and said, "Lights fifty percents."

As the room lit up Tom walked over to his couch and sat down. He picked up the padd he left on his coffee table and said "Begin recording":

Personal Log: Tom Paris

Today marks our first anniversary in the Delta Quadrant. This year has been the most exciting and terrifying year of my life. I always said I wanted to be able to fly a starship without my father looking over my shoulder. I never thought I would have that. All though-out high school and Starfleet Academy my Dad was always looking over my shoulder. He always wanted me to get A's on every paper and test, but sometimes when he made me rewrite a paper eight hours before it was due I wanted to scream at him and said, "Dad┘it's good enough." 

I know my Dad meant well and that he pushed me hard because he wanted me to succeed. But sometimes I wanted him to say, "Son, I'm proud of you." But I usually ended up with "Thomas┘I know you can do better." It' funny when I was in the penal colony all I remembered were the fights. The angry words we said to each other the night I got cashiered. But since I have been on Voyager I'm starting to remember some of the good times we had together. I remember when I was little I use to climb into his lap and he read me a Jules Verne story. Even when he was really tired from working at Starfleet Command all day I could usually get him read me two chapters.

What I liked best was when he took me to the simulators at Starfleet Academy. I must have been five or six and he use to smile at me and said, "Tommy┘You flew that like a first year cadet. I can't wait to tell my friends at the officer's club┘They won't believe me but we'll show them son." My relationship with my Dad was pretty good until I was eight or nine. It was about that time he started getting very strict. He started criticizing everything I did and it just because worse after he was captured and tortured by the Cardassians. I'm not sure what they did to him but he just wasn't the same after that. I use to hear him and Mom arguing. She wanted him to get counseling but he just told her he was fine and he just needed time to get over what happened to him. I often wondered if our relationship would have been better if he did get counseling.

Damn it. Why am I even thinking about the past? I guess sometimes it easier to say my thoughts out loud in the security of my quarters. Let me get back to what I wanted to talk about. We had a party in the mess hall today to celebrate our first anniversary in the Delta Quadrant. I convinced Neelix not to use any Leola root in the food and that went over very well. I spent most of my time at the party with Harry and B'Elanna. I love spending time with B'Elanna. I think I am falling in love with her.

It's funny┘Since I have been on Voyager I have been flirting with half the woman on board. Flirting is easy┘no one ever takes you seriously. It's easy just to pretend it doesn't hurt when a woman you are flirting with says she is not interested. But with B'Elanna it's different. If she turned me down I am not sure I would recover from it. 

I know B'Elanna has been hurt in the past. I know that she hasn't really recovered from her father abandoning her when she was a kid. I also know that a lot of men in the past went after her because they were curious about doing it with a Klingon. I went though something similar at the Academy. A lot of girls went after me because of my father. They thought if they could marry into the Paris family it would guarantee a great Starfleet career. I wasn't interested in these girls and I'm not interested in B'Elanna because she is half Klingon. I love B'Elanna because she is the most beautiful, intelligent and fascinating woman I ever met. She definitely keeps me on my toes and as Grandma Eugenia often said, "It takes a strong woman to tame a Paris man"  
I better get to bed. I have an early shift with Doc tomorrow. If I'm not fully awake he sings Klingon opera. I could due without that. I just hope the next seventy years is as interesting as the first. 

Eng log. 


End file.
